Pawm Etiquette….Day Two Hundred, Seventy Six

Today is traditionally my Follow-up Friday post;  but since Frankie and Sarge are hosting a Labor Blog party, I reluctantly turn my blog over to Sampson and Delilah to teach a class on Pawm Etiquette.

Sampson:  “Thanks mom, let’s get right down to it.”

” We have a lot to cover in a short amount of time.”

“First this class is called, “Pawm Etiquette”  or as Frankie likes to say, ‘Pawm-eat-a-kit.'”

“But there will be no eating of kits or anything else in this class.” 

“Delilah, can you spit out the milkbone please?”

Delilah: “Really?”  “You mean ME?”

Sampson: “Yes, Delilah I said NO EATING and that includes you!”

Delilah: “Hhhhhhmmmmmmppppppffffff!”

Sampson: “By now we hope you have already asked your date to the pawm;  If you haven’t here are a couple of ideas for your pawmposal.”

“Engrave “Will you go to pawm with me?” on a milk bone and bury it in your love’s yard.  If she has a good nose, she will find it.”

Delilah: “I think it’s more romantic if you howl your pawmposal at the moon.”

Sampson: “That’s sweet D but if your love is not close by this is not a good option.”

“The best idea; meet her at the bark-park and ask her nose to nose (no tongues!  Especially if this is your first date!)”

“Now you have THAT out-of-the-way, there are a bunch of things involved in pawm.”

“One of the most important tasks is how will you get to and from Pawm?”

Transportation-“Pawmsonally I like the idea of a dog drawn carriage, such as the one shown here; if you don’t have enough milk bones to pull this one-off, you may have to resort to being driven by your mom.  Totally embarrassing but you will just have to deal…..unless you want to paw it.”

Photo Courtesy of Skeeter Dog Equipment

Delilah: “Oooh, that’s really romantic Sam, is that how you are taking me to Pawm?”

Sampson: “Delilah, this is a class, we can discuss our specifics after.”

Attire (what to wear)- “Before you purchase your outfit, consult with your date to determine what color she/he will be wearing.  As you can see, Delilah and I are wearing the same color.”

Sorry about the eyes, mom has a craptastic camera.

Delilah: “You look awfully handsome in the tie Sampson.” 😉

Sampson: “Thank you Delilah, can we get back to the lessons now?”

Delilah: “I’m not sure you noticed, so here is a better picture.  Ladies, I have opted out of the traditional Pawm Dress to go a bit more exotic with an exquisite pair of purple wings.  I think they go beautifully with my coloring.”

Sampson: “Ummm Delilah? I think you have the wings on upside down.”

Delilah: “Really?  Maybe I’m just making a fashion statement!”

Sampson: “Try and match as closely as possible the color your date is wearing, this will let others know you are together, plus you’ll look really great for Pawtographs.”

Flowers – “Pawsages -the best flower is pawm pawms, but if you can’t find those you could try dogwood flowers.  Have your flowers arranged so the flowers can be worn on either collar or paw.”

Delilah: “What about a fascinator? I think I would prefer a fascinator.”

“I think this fascinator would look stunning tucked behind my ear, and it would compliment my outfit beautifully.”

Sampson: “Delilah! We are supposed to be teaching a class here!”

Greetings- “When you get to Pawm there will be lots of other dogs there, you must be very careful in your greeting, a 3-second butt sniff is more than enough.  If you go longer then 3 seconds it could be considered cheating.”

Dancing – “The first dance is important, be very careful where you put your paw!  Ideally it should be placed lightly on her back and always make sure it remains in view of the chaperones.  Some of you big guys must be really careful about this, if you have a heavy paw like me, or your nails haven’t been trimmed properly you could hurt or scratch your date.”

Delilah: “Make sure you have groomed yourself BEFORE the Pawm, I don’t want you leaning over me to lick yourself in an inappropriate place! And now that I mention it, “

“No sniffing in inappropriate places.”

“No lifting of leg on band members!”

“And definitely no looking at other pooches!”

Sampson: “Well not quite the way I would have put it Delilah, but you do get the point across.”

Refreshments- “There should be refreshments at the Pawm, be considerate of others and make sure you have no food particles on your mouth that could be dropped in the punch bowl.  Delilah does that to me all the time, leaves her food particles in the water bowl.”

Delilah: “Thanks for rolling me under the bus Sampson, I can’t help it if I’m an enthusiastic eater!”

Sampson: “Shinizzle my whizzle Delilah, you sure do interupt a lot!”

“The last dance is also important, the band will tell you it is last dance and you should make sure to dance the last dance with your date.”

The Good Night- “An appropriate good night token is a little sniff to the ears or a quick touch to the nose, definitely no licking!”

Delilah: “I don’t know, I certainly wouldn’t turn down a little nuzzle to the muzzle, if you know what I mean.” 😉

Sampson: “I think we’ve covered everything.”

“Are there any questions?”

Mom: “Shinizzle my whizzle and a nuzzle to the muzzle? Really?   How do you two come up with these things?”

What was I thinking turning these two loose?

 God help me.